After making me feel sufficiently shitty for dodging his kiss, he went back to pursuing the shit out of me. Ladies, dude took me to the ZOO. Not just that, he took me to the zoo and presented me with gifts of stuffed animals throughout the day. He decorated a cheap guitar with glitter spray and gave it to me because I had mentioned always wanting to learn how to play. He rode his Ducati over to see me anytime I wanted company. He laid it on THICK.
Despite all that, I had a hard time falling for him. It turns out, our bodies have a pretty good idea of what's up, but I just wouldn't listen. I thought he had bad breath, and I didn't particularly enjoy kissing him. I was excited by the flirtation and the compliments, by the gifts, by the company, by feeling wanted...but I wasn't sparking. I mean, I was horny, but I definitely waited like 2-months to sleep with him and, trust me, that's a lot. It's not like I've been around the block since, but I've had NO PROBLEM diving right in. That is to say, I know now what it feels like when I'm really interested in someone, and subsequent duders did not have to wait that long for me to put out. Oh, and when I did put out I was totally drunk (like 2 bottles of wine drunk), irresponsible, stupid and I regret it to this day.
ANYWAY, to the benefit of Mr. Kite, he did try to warn me about dating him. I believe he described himself as a tornado or a hurricane, destroying the lives of the women he encountered. But I think that just made him seem "bad" like "oh, how sexy" bad. Did I mention his extensive list of sexual partners? Did I mention I had one?! AND did I mention one of his included a 14-year old who he slept with when he was like 18 or 19 and DEFINITELY out of high school? How did that not creep me out or drive me away? Ah, now you're beginning to understand the depths of my need to be loved and appreciated. The depths of my low self-esteem.
My self-esteem was low enough to ignore the warnings. To ignore that his last girlfriend was in her 40s, one of his teachers at the community college, and, oh yea! MARRIED. Lonely enough to somehow not be turned off by this and lonely enough to finally give in and fall. Fall. FALL: head over heels in love with a total crazy person.
Almost as soon as I fell in love with him, he stopped trying and we started fighting. Seriously, fighting like cats and dogs. It's a cliche, but it's accurate, we fought non-stop. He would be loving and adoring one minute, cold and distant the next. Me? I was like a junky. I'd do anything for those moments of warmth. I'd ignore just about any of the utter fail that our lives had become JUST for those fleeting moments where it felt good. I began a serious doom spiral.
Tune in for PART IV: DOOM SPIRAL
*=DSM still stands for Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, criteria for classifying mental disorders.
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